Day 20 - SkyLines from the French Lock-down: Fear

Bonjour, chers amis!  (Hello, dear friends!)
What we're experiencing is difficult.  And strange.  But each day that we survive this quarantine period is a win.  Every day we don't lose someone we love is a victory. From this tiny back corner of France we are cheering for you. Just like you, we fight boredom, stress, disbelief, dismay, and downright fear.  It's said that fear is the worst of these. But we can make use of it in our toolbox of emotions.  It's okay to be afraid.  In fact it may save lives.

My village church on a foggy night.  Sometimes Fear is Good.
It keeps us from going into danger.

Day 20 - Yesterday found me in a bitter mood and I shared with you how sad I was that a five day gathering of people had caused a major outbreak of CV-19 in France.  How could they be so irresponsible?  I blasted my post off in anger.  As soon as I hit the publish button, I was tempted to remove the blog.  How could I post such a negative one when I know that what we all need something to distract us from this horror?  I wrote a note of apology to a close friend and said she might want to skip my blog for the day as it was such a downer.

 I was still thinking about taking the blog down or trying to  modify it to be less negative when I read a  quote from Mike Tyson that said, "Fear is your best friend or your worst enemy.  It's like fire.  If you can control it, it can cook for you,  it can heat your house.  If you can't control it, it will burn everything around you and destroy you."

 And I could see where he was coming from.  I mean, I know he was talking about boxing but maybe it can apply to this situation too. If fear helps us do the right thing now and keep our distance, help others to keep theirs, wash our hands "like Lady Macbeth" (as one meme put it), and wear some kind of mask when we have to interact in public, then fear is our friend. It keeps us safe.

I long for the days of writing at the cafes.  But I know why we're doing

It's going to be worth the wait.

this.  It's a little sacrifice for a greater good.  And right now - I'll let fear keep me focused on that reason.  We will live apart to slow this virus down and keep the medical facilities from being overwhelmed.  If there are hospital beds for those who are ill, then maybe they will have the chance to recover faster and better.  

When we see the empty shelves in the stores caused by mindless hoarding, that is fear driving.  It has brought out the worst in us. And it's easy to let fear lead us in the same direction.  In our up-ended lives right now, we might be seeing the world through the tunnel-vision of fear. Of course, our own families and loved ones should be our first priority. There's no question there, but once you have that taken care of, there is a very special quality to consider - Empathy.

I realized that as a comment popped up and thanked me for the brutal honesty of the previous day's  blog.  My first thought was it was just a friend being kind.  Then another comment said much the same.  The flood began.  Readers were telling me that they understood.  They felt the fear too and hearing that we were in the same situation made them feel better. I was glad I had not deleted the blog.

 But now, let's wrap up our knuckles with compassion and understanding against going rabid with fear.  Just give it the KO punch.  I'm going to use my fear and anger to stay on task and find the positive side of this. Today, I worked on Empathy.  The quality that gives us the ability to understand and share another's feelings. It takes looking out instead of turning inward.

It's not easy.  I resisted the urge to comment on a smug post in the early hours today.  It was an acquaintance claiming that the virus was fake news. It took effort to understand that the person posting wasn't trying to be hurtful. He believes it. With gritted teeth, I scrolled past without making a comment or giving a sign that I'd seen it.  That seemed the kindest thing to do.  In the weeks to come, I hope that person doesn't fall ill or have this virus touch the family he loves.

I thought of my friends who live alone.  I did that for a few years.  I knew how it much I appreciated the emails in those day before I joined social media.  I realized that I had two friends I hadn't contacted for a while. They aren't on Facebook and they live alone. I felt guilty as I realized how long it had been!  And then I sucked it up.

I wrote to them before breakfast.  I focused on telling them how much they meant to me and that I wanted to know how they were.  I apologized for being such a flaky correspondant.  I deleted the part all about my joys and adventures.  Who needed that?  Then I wrote, "I'm doing okay.  I'm safe and so is my dad."  I hope to hear back from them and find that they are okay too.

Two neighbors showed empathy with us last week.  I called them the "Quarantine Fairy"

A kindness makes life brighter.

because they left a gift on the doorstep when they went out for exercise.  We received a text once they were home to alert us it was there.  I hooked it into the garage and let it be for a few hours. When we looked inside, we smiled.  How kind!  It was two books for my French partner, Y, and a kit for making tacos!  (No, my French is good, but not that good!) I knew they had read the blog and seen how much I love Mexican food.  That's empathy!

So, I told Y, "We're going to pretend it's Tuesday!"  It was a Saturday. But hey, he's a good guy so he said, "D'accord!" (Which means sure or okay.)  I knew he had no idea that we Californians love "Taco Tuesday"  (and probably people in a whole lot of other states as well!)  I explained it to him and how to prepare the fillings as we set to work cooking together.  

I fixed my veggie burger filling while he fried pork sausages.  We chopped the garnish and set the table.  The tacos were epic!  And Y is now a fan. One day, I hope we'll be eating tacos in my

It had been years since I'd had
a crunchy taco.

California home town but for now, I'm so grateful for the empathy of my neighbors.  They turned another repetitive day under quarantine into a Taco Tuesday!  Thank you, mes amis.

Yeah, we only had French emmental cheese and instead of guacamole.  Avocados are just too expensive and besides, we'd already had our daily quota of being allowed out. Instead, for a sauce, I mixed salsa and creme fraîche.  It was extremely good!  And that's what we have to do right now - working with what we have.

Keep your heart open and when you can make a difference that helps someone else, do it.  Be the friend who called, the one who wrote a nice comment on someone's post, the surprise e-mail out of the blue after a long silence, the neighbor who checked on the pensioner who lives alone.  It will keep you human and bring sunshine into the darkness. 

Share beauty.  Share laughter.  Share joy.  Just don't share the air - you know what I  mean.  We can use this fear as our good sense shield.  Stay home, wear a mask in public, and think about how scared the next guy is.  Show empathy and it will come back to you a hundredfold. We can survive this confinement.  And we will win the battles if we do this together.

It's a barren time - but the promise of recovery is out there.
Plan for it and plant the seeds of kindness. 

À demain chers amis!  (Until tomorrow, dear friends!)  Link to Day 21